why gaslighting seems impossible

Gaslighting does not require deliberate plotting. Gaslighting only requires a belief that it is acceptable to overwrite another person’s reality. –Shea Emma Fett

gaslight-1944Shea wrote this on Medium more than a year ago; we at The Fearful Heart only just found it this week. A special kind of exhilaration exists when you read something that finally describes an experience you know so well, but have a really hard time putting into words. You ever hear someone say something and think, yes! that’s exactly what it felt like!

Shea has done it from the inside. Read her post at medium then come back here and share what you thought. 10 Things I wish I’d known About Gaslighting by Shea Emma Fett.

This was so good to remember:

When you engage in any way, you tell your gaslighter and yourself that your reality is up for debate. Your reality is not up for debate. If you are like me, you have had a million conversations in your head, and it’s those conversations that are killing you. Your reality is not up for debate. You do not have to rehearse for a conversation that you will never have.

We’re so glad Shea gets it, and we’re so sorry that that anyone has to.

For more, the National Domestic Violence Hotline has a great post called What is Gaslighting?  And as always, if you’re in a relationship where you feel unsafe, or even confused, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

Remember, abuse does not have to be physical. Gaslighting is one of those slippery experiences that is psychologically horrific– it’s like arsenic over time– and so very hard to explain. Share these writings with someone and see if that helps.

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